Q & A with author Madonna Treadway and San Diego Writers Festival
SDWF: Tell us about your book, Six Healing Questions: A Gentle Path to Facing Childhood Loss of a Parent
MT: Six Healing Questions: A Gentle Path to Facing Childhood Loss of a Parent is for adults who have lost a parent or parents at an early age, or for anyone facing a well of grief. I share my own story of loss, ask gentle questions, and provide easy-to-understand research.
Both of my parents died before I was eight years old. For many years, I buried this and did not want to talk about it. Looking back, I see that I told myself that it was the past and there was nothing to be gained by digging it up. What I realize now is that I felt like I did not belong anywhere, and I felt alone. Best to live my life, strive for success, and bury my past. This worked for quite a while.
Fast forward. In my 40s I was a successful corporate executive, yet I felt something was missing and found myself struggling. I felt a deep sense of disconnection and began to wonder if this had something to do with my early losses. With the help of a trusted therapist, I explored what had been tucked away for years. This was the beginning of what lead me to research and writing.
My book is a guide and resource for those who want to move along their own healing path. We all experience loss in our lives. I want the way we manage loss and grief to shift from avoidance to a conversation, one that connects us and helps us heal.
SDWF: What inspired you to write this book?
MT: Many people are in pain because of loss and trauma. Running away makes it worse. My early loss and resulting life experiences put me in a unique position to understand and talk about this. Keeping secrets is not a healthy practice. I want to encourage conversations about loss and grief. Growing up in the Midwest, it was considered almost shameful to see a therapist. In addition, you were telling family secrets, which was frowned on. I want my readers to know that is okay to talk about whatever has happened to them. Experiencing early life difficulties can develop character and strength. I am inspired by the hope that readers will consider this and explore their wounds as a way to uncover their unique gifts born of their pain, and find wholeness despite any tragic circumstance.
SDWF: How has Storytelling changed your life?
MT: Being open about my inner life was initially unnerving. I felt vulnerable and exposed. This was not a feeling I was accustomed to. There was no “right answer” to shore me up. It was scary.
The surprise was that it also empowered me, and it continues to do so. Besides the excitement of accepting a challenge, the response from readers who share specifically how my book has helped them had been heartwarming and satisfying. One reader recounted how her father had taken his own life, and she had kept this secret for many years. Reading my book opened her up to talk about this and release that feeling of shame that comes with a secret kept in the dark.
SDWF: What would you tell your younger self?
MT: I would tell her not to worry so much. I would assure her that she would have a loving home and a place in the world. Despite the feeling of being alone and vulnerable, it would be that very vulnerability that blossoms into insight and resilience. I would also assure her of the value of her rich inner life and introspection. She should be confident that in the future, her complicated life will unfold in a way that will surprise and delight her.
SDWF: Is there a line from your piece you’d be willing to share?
MT: “If you are anything like me, you will one day want to free yourself from unconscious thoughts and beliefs. What I discovered was that my unconscious beliefs were often running the show without my permission. I was unconsciously repeating dysfunctional patterns I wished I could stop. And furthermore, I no longer wanted to live in fear of looking at my trauma. I wanted to face and conquer old troubling habits and ways of being in the world. I wanted to free myself from a weight I could barely explain. I wanted to fully accept myself, trauma experience and all.”
Excerpt From: Madonna Treadway’s, Six Healing Questions: A Gentle Path to Facing Childhood Loss of a Parent.
SDWF: Thank you, Madonna!
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